Like old clothes.

My bedridden grandmother just passed on a couple of weeks back and as per Hindu rituals, we cremated her body. The loss was an immensely painful one and I was grief-struck for quite some time. Following her passing, I had to face a few difficult tasks. These tasks were not difficult just physically but emotionally and mentally as well. The first was bathing her lifeless body (which had turned cold due to the draining away of blood) and the second was collecting her bones and ashes using my bare hands at the crematorium.

A million questions and thoughts materialized in my mind as I performed her last rites and one that struck me the hardest was about how our body is like old clothes. When I saw her lifeless form, I still felt her presence, even though I knew her soul had been freed from the shackles of the human body. However, after she was cremated, I stared at what remained - ashes and a few broken fragments of bones. However difficult it was to stare at her in this form, it finally struck me that she was really gone. Our body, no matter how complex it may seem, can be reduced to dust in a matter of hours. Our bones, no matter how strong they may seem, become like broken pieces of biscuits which crumble upon touching them. Scooping her remains made me feel like I was packing her old clothes, because she had already left for a better place which is void of suffering. 

After collecting her remains in a big vessel, we set off on a boat to release it into the deep sea. I carried her all the way in that vessel and a second thought struck my mind. She used to carry me and place me on her lap when I was a child and now I was carrying her back - it was like going full circle. But somehow after going through this experience, however emotionally draining it was, I finally accepted that she had left. 

Alas, we come and we go - but we bring nothing material with us on either journey. The only thing that does continue on its journey is our soul and we bring with us our deeds. Riches and beauty will turn to dust, but what remains is the soul and how much spiritual enlightenment it has achieved in this lifetime. And in a matter of time, our spiritual journey continues until we reach a point where we have realized our true purpose on earth. Then, we get liberated - like my grandmother.

My grandmother got liberated, because she understood her purpose on earth. She still lives on within me, as my biggest inspiration. She taught me the meaning of growing in adversity, of turning weaknesses into strengths, of loving unconditionally and forgiving wholeheartedly. She taught me things books cannot and gave me lessons through her own actions. She may have gone, but her teachings will remain. She has shed her old clothes, but her soul remains as beautiful as ever.

Miss you ma.